Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
