I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
