marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
