yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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