Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
