i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i've created a new STD.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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