Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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