I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
