I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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