dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
