Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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