he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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