There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
