how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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