piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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