If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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