no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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