Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
birth control should be required to get into college
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
