I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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