I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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