He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
