I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
