I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
