I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize