She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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