At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
