At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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