also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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