eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
