She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
