I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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