God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
