I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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