lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
