Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
