Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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