i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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