Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
