I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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