You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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