Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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