I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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