Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Where is the hickey?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
