Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
