Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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