Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
