you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
God, I missed his penis.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
