I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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