I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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