ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
