There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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