so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
