If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
