highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
