Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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