dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
