We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
