Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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