In the future we'll all be gay
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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