let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
