Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize