Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just high enough for therapy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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