I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
