im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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