so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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