apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
