nut hugger
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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