We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
