Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
