I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
