Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
