My sheets look like a crime scene.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
