Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You took a bar mat shot.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
