Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
