okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
