I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
