My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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