Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
