I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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