Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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